Why do I prefer the individual search?

I am asking the other agencies to forgive me in advance; they’ll probably want to kill me after reading this article )) To tell you the truth, I had doubts about letting my readers know about the shady side of dating agencies, but after giving it some thought I decided that sharing this information will be useful.

Most girls whose profiles you find on the best dating websites are dating agencies’ clients. Websites profit from this – the more women post on them, the more men register, so the website owners get more money from its users. Some sites tell you a member of what dating agency the woman is, but others don’t mention this at all. Very often website owners have no idea if women are dating agency clients or not because these agencies create dating profiles for their clients. And women themselves often hide the fact that they are members of some dating agency.

What’s so bad about a woman being in the agency? Nothing. It’s even better if a woman uses services of a good dating agency that takes responsibility for its clients, knows them personally, and checks their identity, etc., which enables the agency to guarantee that its clients aren’t scammers. Of course, this is a good thing.

However, there is one disadvantage that men are unaware of. Very few women can write insightful letters that interest a man so much that he would want to meet personally and come all the way to Russia or Ukraine. After all, a personal meeting, and, hopefully, marriage is the ultimate goal. A girl who doesn’t speak English very well simply cannot produce a letter that would attract attention of a potential husband. For the same reason many girls cannot use phone or Skype. That’s why agencies write letters for their clients.))

Someone might argue, “What’s so bad about that? It’s fine as long as the letter contains no lies.” Well, personally I wouldn’t want to go to another country to meet a person who I know only through letters written by somebody else. He or she might be a completely different person who most likely won’t interest me. It is for this reason that most meetings don’t have any continuation. But men don’t know this, and there’s no way to check if the letters they receive are written by their potential dates or by somebody else. They write to women, come to their home countries, go on dates with several of them, but never find the one who they’d like to marry.

Count how much money you spend on all these trips that lead to nothing. Isn’t it better to pay for the individual search and meet several women during the same visit – women who are found specifically for you, taking in consideration your criteria? It is your choice!

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?

Perhaps most men who were lucky in their search for a loved one or who are just thinking of finding a Russian wife would answer, “Of course it is easy, what’s so difficult about it? There are hundreds of thousands of Russian women on various dating sites – just choose the one you like!”

But it only seems easy. We must realize that the percentage of truly good, family oriented girls isn’t that high. Some men I meet at work believe that about 90% of women are scammers. I think that even if they are exaggerating  the number a bit, they are not too far from truth. Men often complain that women post photos that were taken 10 years ago, and when they finally meet, women look 10years older and 20 pounds heavier. Who is to blame here? You should have met your potential date in Skype first, or maybe asked her to send you a recent picture with the date on it.

It is much worse when a woman looks even better that on her photo, and it seems that your mutual happiness is just a step away, but in reality this beautiful woman is already married and meeting you is just her side job. There are many possible scenarios. For example, she can play sick and ask you for the money to buy expensive medicine to help her get better faster so that she can be with you. After you give her the money, you’ll probably never see her again. Or, this woman can go on regular dates with you, and at some point she will tell you a sad story of her sick mother or grandmother who needs a sitter that the family cannot afford. You’ll probably offer her financial help after that. After all, you haven’t come all the way to Russia to spend your time alone in your hotel room. It is not going to be fun to stay here without your date. Most people speak only Russian, so even going to a restroom will be a problem because no one will understand you ))

In another scenario, a girl can ask you to pay for her foreign language courses. She needs them because she met you and fell in love with you at the first sight. However, when you are already back to your country, she will write you a letter saying that she thought things over and decided that you aren’t really her type, or maybe she changed her mind and doesn’t want to marry a foreign man after all.

“What should I do then?” you’ll probably ask. Don’t be shy. Ask her for her phone number. Meet in Skype using an online translator if she doesn’t speak English. Ask her to send you a scanned page of her passport where marriage information is located. Give her a link to this article )) However, these are simple preventive measures, and of course they don’t guarantee anything. You cannot read your date’s thoughts.

What else can be done? Well, a really good dating agency would do. In men’s opinion, 90% of all dating agencies are scammers working together with the women. Pay attention to details, use your intuition, learn from others’ mistakes, and read forum posts written by real users. Do not read reviews – we all know who writes them. Take your search for a wife seriously and minimize the risk of getting into an unpleasant situation.

It is best to use “Individual search” option if an agency offers it. But first learn what exactly you’ll get for the money you pay. Some agencies ask 10000 dollars for the individual search, and all you get are detailed questionnaires of women with several pages of their biography, which won’t tell you who they really are anyway.

In my next article read about the reason why I think the individual search is the best solution.

Emotional infertility – the 21st century problem

Among many problems of the modern society is the one called “emotional infertility” – an issue which leads to birth rate decline. This new term was introduced by sociologists not so long ago. Emotional infertility is characterized by women’s conscious or unconscious refusal to bear children.

The term “emotional infertility” is based upon the idea that a woman is physically able to conceive, bear, and raise a healthy child, but has no desire to do so. Why does this happen? What is going on with modern women?

Women of the new generation seek to have careers. They want to be confident, self-sufficient, successful, and not dependent on men, they want to stand firmly on their feet. This leads to becoming choosier when it comes to getting into a serious relationship with a partner. The chosen one has to be a great man and a perfect father.

What reasons drive women? Very often demands placed upon the chosen man are just too high and unrealistic. Women look for intelligence, good looks, strength, the ability to make decisions, financial stability, the ability to love, self-realization, etc. It is hard to find all these qualities in a single person, and the discrepancy between dreams and real qualities of the potential partner leads to loneliness and refusal to have kids. For a modern woman, her future children’s father has to be an ideal man; she is not ready to accept him with all his real flaws. 

Emotional infertility problem has touched not only single women, but the married ones as well. Today there exists a high number of married women who refuse to have children with their husbands. Subconsciously, they do not see them as fathers of their potential children. It doesn’t lead to immediate break up, but emotional infertility does cause family problems, and, in more critical situations, leads to divorce. 

Today’s specialists have not come up with any medicine that could cure emotional infertility. It is seen as a psychological dysfunction, and psychological therapy can be used to correct the problem. Only a professional psychotherapist can help sort things out, find existing problems, and look for the solution.

Mothers and fathers need to instill in their daughters the desire to become wives and mothers. At the same time, being a wife and a mother doesn’t conflict with being a successful professional. Every woman can reach success both in her family life and on her chosen career path. Before looking for the flaws in our partners, we need to look at ourselves. Self-cultivation is useful for everyone.

What should alarm you in the letters you receive from Russian women?

If you have already written to several women, and especially if you were “lucky” enough to come across scammers, you’ve probably noticed that different women write different type of letters. There is a special category of letters, in which women start talking about love way too soon. In the second or third letter to you they already write that they are in love, that you are the one and only man they’ve been waiting for, et cetera. Of course, it’s flattering to read such things, and what single man wouldn’t want to hear something like that, especially if he normally doesn’t get too much attention from women? Here we have a young Russian beauty telling him she loves him. How could anybody resist? Full of joy, you’ll send her money and presents, and that’s exactly what she is trying to get.

Very often such “love” letters are written using the same sample, and only the men’s names change. It’s really easy to find these samples in English in the Internet; you don’t even need to spend time on making it up yourself. Also, one could buy the whole book of sample letters and use a different one every day.  

These kinds of letters can have a very strong psychological effect on a single person. It can be considered a type of a psychological weapon – a manipulation tool. It is similar to how governments and media manipulate their subjects. Of course, manipulating one person cannot be compared to a large scale manipulation of an entire nation, but in terms of how it works it is essentially the same. When a man hears that he is loved, he seeks to fulfill a role given to him by the nature itself – a role of a protector.

In psychoanalysis, there is something called “archetypes” – a concept, created by Carl Jung. One of these archetypes is the Protector. A “protector” mechanism exists in every male’s mind, so when a man hears about love, it flatters his ego, and subconsciously he feels the need or desire to protect, provide, or just make a woman feel good. His subconscious is telling him, “So what if she is not my ideal woman? She says that she likes ME, so she needs me. She needs my protection and support. By the way, she is not that bad after all…”

Dear men, trust me, Russian women don’t function like this. If a girl is serious about a relationship, she will never write love letters without seeing you in person first. She is smart enough to know that only a real life meeting will show if any true feelings can possibly form between you two and if a relationship can develop. A serious woman won’t feed you love words in advance.

Foreign men often conclude their letters with kisses, call a woman “my dear”, or even add “I love you”. When women receive such letters, they usually ask me, “How can he tell me he loves me if he hasn’t even seen me once?” I have to explain that this has to do with cultural differences. For people from different countries the words “I love you” can mean something less serious, for example, “I like you”.

Without a doubt, a love letter is a very romantic thing. It’s a quest! But everything has to be done at the right time. So, when you receive this type of letter, think about timing. Is it suitable to talk about love at this particular moment of your relationship with a certain woman? If the answer is “no”, it might be a reason to become cautious.

Age difference in international marriages.

Another question has been raised by one of my clients. Very often young Russian women write love letters to older men who could be their fathers or even grandfathers. Are these women truly interested in men who are so much older than themselves?
Of course they are not, and it’s strange that men don’t realize that. In these letters, men are being tricked, and it’s better to recognize that right away instead of building hopes and going crazy because a young girl fell in love with you. In 99% of the cases girls who write love letters to you, an older guy, are interested only in your money. Some men, however, simply refuse to believe this, and eventually lose their wealth. And they keep making the same mistake over and over again! But it is so easy to check if a woman is truly interested in you. Just change your profile information. For example, write that you are a clerk working in some small company, and that you have a plain, but decent life. You are not starving, of course, you prefer a healthy lifestyle, and once in a while you are able to afford to travel somewhere not too pricey. You cannot promise your future wife a luxurious lifestyle, but you do guarantee that you’ll care for, respect, and love her. Make something up, post it in your profile, and see if any young girls will be interested in you ))
It’s a totally different story when men understand exactly what these girls want, accept it, and play along. They want to have a young Russian wife or girlfriend, and they are ready to pay for it because they cannot get what they want any other way.

International marriages between people with great age differences do happen. I see it as a deal of some sort. And why not, after all? Poor, desperate young women often marry older guys. A man receives a young beautiful woman in exchange for his money. The woman is not suffering; her life improves tremendously, she doesn’t have to worry about survival anymore. She can turn out to be a nice person and become a truly great wife for this rich man. With time, she may even fall in love with her older husband. However, this doesn’t happen all the time, so men should be cautious.
It often happens that a woman doesn’t want to get married to her older admirer. All she wants is to get as much money from him as she can while being happily married to a Russian husband. It’s interesting that many men are willing to give their money away. It seems that they lose their wits while being with a young, beautiful woman.
If you are not a client of a dating or marriage agency that checks women and takes responsibility for both parties, it won’t hurt to ask your potential wife or girlfriend to send you her scanned passport pages. A clean family status page means that she is not married. Two stamps mean she’s been married and divorced.

Unfortunately, going to a dating agency doesn’t always guarantee that you’ll meet a woman who truly wants to create a family. Many agencies out there are scammers working with the women who are out there to trick you. This is why you should be careful when choosing an agency.

Going for a vacation with a Russian woman.

Very often after a first meeting a man offers a woman to meet again on a neutral territory. For example, if a man is from Australia or New Zealand and a woman is from Russia, it might be convenient to spend a vacation together in Thailand. Normally a man would take care of all the expenses, including those of a woman he wants to meet. It’s not because Russian women want to travel as somebody else’s expense and then pay off with their bodies. These kinds of girls exist too, but we are not talking about prostitutes here. We are discussing normal women who seek to create a family, who get a regular Russian salary, which is not enough to visit even Crimea, let alone Thailand! Most of these women have never been abroad. Some of them have traveled to Turkey or Egypt which are the most affordable places to go if you live in Russia. Men know all this and are happy to cover the travel expenses. However, there are cases when these journeys turn into nightmarish experiences for women. Thankfully, these cases are very rare.
This is another real life story. Please read this article if you are going to invite a Russian girl for a vacation abroad.

A man meets a woman, and a relationship starts. He offers to have their first meeting in Thailand. She cannot afford this because her entire salary is used to support her kids. Moreover, she’s already used her vacation time this year, and her next vacation is eight months from now, so she can miss work only at her own expense. This is unacceptable for her because she doesn’t want to lose money. If she takes a vacation, she’ll receive only one fifth of her regular salary once she is back to work. Her salary is composed mainly from the percent of the sales she makes.
The woman explains all this and invites the man to come to Russia instead, but he states that he is ready to pay for all the expenses, including whatever money she is going to lose while missing work. The woman agrees and for the first time in her life travels abroad. She is taking her credit card with her.

Three days later this woman contacts me in Skype, and, crying, says that she is always hungry because the food in the restaurants where they eat is served raw. Yes, people eat raw food in Thailand, and Russian people aren’t used to that. The woman has to eat whatever is given to her because the man doesn’t take her to the more expensive restaurants where the food is actually cooked. Of course, this is not the end of the world, and by the end of this trip the woman even feels fond of the raw food ))

One day the woman sees some body cream in the store and pays for it with her credit card. Right after that the card gets blocked by the bank. She didn’t know that she had to go to the bank and get a special permission to use the card abroad. As a result, she is now out of money. During the vacation she comes across various souvenirs and little things that she likes, but she cannot buy anything anymore. The man doesn’t even think of buying one or two inexpensive things for her, but it’s fine. He doesn’t really have to do that, right? She can survive without them.
But these little things are nothing in comparison to what she feels like when he insults her. She is young and beautiful, she attracts people’s attention, and now and then men ask if she is his wife. The man repeatedly answers right in front of her, not feeling a bit of shame, “Oh, no, of course not! My wife is in New Zealand. This is my Russian girlfriend!”

And this is done by a potential husband who is supposed to be looking for a Russian wife! The woman realizes that she is being used like a pretty toy. The man is flattered to be escorted by a young, beautiful, smart girl, and he enjoys seeing the envy in other men’s eyes! To feed his ego, he is ready to pay for the plane tickets and restaurants with raw food for the woman. It’ O.K. because he is rich enough, he can afford it.
After the vacation, the man walks the woman to the airport and says his good bye.
Arriving to Moscow, the woman calls me and tells me that she has no money to get home to Belgorod because her credit card is blocked. The man knew that but decided to ignore the fact, and the woman didn’t ask him for the money. There’s no need to mention that he never compensated her salary losses.

Dear men! If you invite a woman to spend some time abroad and say that you’ll take care of all the expenses, please, make sure that the woman has the means to get back home, that she can buy a plane ticket HOME, not just to Moscow from where she’ll have to take another plane or a train.
And, most importantly, if you call yourselves men, be them and behave like gentlemen. Don’t insult women even if you are only playing being serious, but in reality plan to just have a good time with a beautiful woman. A true gentleman would never act like this anyway; he wouldn’t use a girl who is looking for a husband and a family. There are other kinds of girls to use for mere entertainment, and you can find lots of them in the Internet. So, what is the problem?

Why do Russian women marry so early?

I asked one of my foreign clients what kind of articles he would like to read on my blog. He bombarded me with questions, and one of them was the following: Why do Russian women get married and have kids so young? He faced this issue while he was looking for a Russian wife. All the girls he would choose were either divorced or single mothers. 

The case is that it is traditional for a Russian woman to marry early. It has become a custom and is now a part of the Russian culture. There is a widespread stereotype that if a 24-25 year old girl is unmarried, she’s considered an old maid. However strange it may sound, but psychologically, Russian girls would feel better married and divorced than never married.

One of my “never married” acquaintances, a 31 year old woman who for some personal reasons refuses to use dating sites and agencies to find a husband, has admitted to me that it is very difficult for her to attend family celebrations and reunions. She cannot stand pitying glances and questions from her relatives about when she’ll finally get married.

For the most part, Russian women get married while attending a college or a university, when they are 18-20 years old. It’s easier to find a husband at school; very often they marry their classmates. Being children themselves, they form families and start having kids. The reasonable question to ask is how these young families support themselves if both parents are still unemployed students.

The answer is simple: they survive thanks to their parents. In Russia, parents help their children as long as they have the strength and the means to do so. This is also a Russian tradition. For example, my 80 year old neighbor is using his money to build a cottage for his good-for-nothing 55 year old son.

This is why young people don’t really bother to think about how their young family will manage, especially if they come from a well-to-do family. In this case, the wedding will be paid by the parents who will also give the young ones an apartment and a car. They will also pay for the university and take care of all the general expenses of the newlyweds.

But not all parents are capable of providing their children with such luxurious lifestyle. In poorer families, children live with their parents, staying in one of the rooms. If there is no extra room for them, they rent an apartment and start working part time while going to school, and their parents help them out as much as they can.

The Russian belief in “on the off chance” also plays a significant role in this. Young people don’t think seriously about contraception, hoping they’ll be lucky not to get pregnant, but of course the pregnancy does happen, and they have to marry, but these kinds of marriages eventually fall apart.

In the resent years the situation has started to change. Young people are not in a hurry to get married and take on all the burdens of the family life. They want to get an education, find jobs, and get a desired career. They save money to buy cars and houses, they date, but… they don’t marry, which also becomes a problem for women. Since young guys are not in a hurry to get married, women simply don’t have anyone to marry! It has become a saying that if you don’t find a husband while attending a university, you’ll never get married. ))

The times of the Soviet Union have passed. Back then students would have guaranteed stable jobs once they were done with school. The government would provide them with apartments, so it was much easier to start a family. Today it’s not easy for young men because they are the ones who have to provide for the family. That’s why they don’t rush to marry.

Because of all this girls try to marry as soon as possible, and, taking into consideration the divorce rate, later become divorced single mothers.