This is a real life story.
A man from New Zealand comes to Russia to meet my agency's client. They are not romantically involved, so I introduce him to another woman. I must make it clear that this young woman is not some sad, unemployed, desperate person in search of a potential husband who’d solve all her problems. Not at all! This woman is smart, beautiful, and educated. She gets a lot of attention from men, but she is looking for her true love. She is not poor either. According to Russian standards, her $1000 salary is not bad, but one cannot call her rich either. She has two sons. One of them is thirteen, and another one is two years old. She rents an apartment and lives from salary to salary, but her family eats healthy, dresses well, and goes to Crimea every summer. Her parents live in the countryside and help raise the kids. Her life is set, and she does have things to lose.
The New Zealand man meets her and they immediately feel mutual attraction. I could call it love. Everything is well until the man asks her to move to New Zealand for half a year. He wants to know if she is ready to leave Russia and move to another country with him. He doesn’t want to marry a woman with two kids, so he suggests that she leaves one of her children with the grandparents. This is unacceptable for a normal Russian woman, but that’s not the point now. To leave Russia for six months, she has to quit her stable job. If something happens and the relationship doesn’t work out the way they hope it will, she’ll have to return to Russia. She won’t be able to find another good job easily. She cannot work for $200 a month either – this won’t be enough to pay for the apartment and to support her kids. For these reasons moving to another country is a serious step. It requires a lot of careful thinking.
That’s why the woman asks some innocent and very important questions: How will my children and I survive in another country? Where will we get the money? Will I be able to work? What kind of salary will I get? Will I be given some pocket money while I adapt to the new country, learn the language, and find a job?
The man is a very wealthy farmer. He doesn’t give any intelligible answers. He only says that the woman will be able to work. For example, she can work on his farm. The woman loves working the land, so she gladly agrees and asks her boyfriend how much he will pay her for work. He, in turn, wonders why all Russian women think only about money. “What does money have to do with anything? We are in love with each other, why talk about money?” The woman answers that she cannot go into the unknown with her two children. She needs to feed and dress them. They can get sick and may need expensive medical treatments. Her parents are growing older, and she needs to visit them at least once a year. Plane tickets are expensive as well. There are many other issues that have to be taken into consideration, and that’s why she is asking about what kind of money she can count on. Note that the woman doesn’t ask for money; she asks whether she’ll be able to earn it. She is ready to work, and she wants to know what kind of salary she can expect. The man doesn’t provide any satisfactory answers. He keeps saying, “You only have money on your mind, but what about our love?”
He also keeps calling me and writing letters to the agency, and I am trying to explain that women who decide to go to another country must know what to expect. They need to know how much money they will have, what kind of life they will live, how often they’ll be able to visit Russia, etc. These things are important to know in order to avoid problems and bitter feelings in the future.
The man describes the situation, their future life together, all the little details, and the woman decides if it works for her or not. The woman in our story has two children, and she has no moral right to risk their wellbeing by taking them into the unknown when they already have a descent life in Russia. The man, however, refuses to provide the answers. He only blames the woman for being crazy about the money. Of course, this relationship was destroyed because of lack of communication and understanding
You can draw your conclusions from this story.
P.S.
The good thing is that the man didn’t try to fool his girlfriend. Otherwise the woman would probably find herself in a position of a slave on his farm. If she decided to return to Russia, she would have to rebuild her life from scratch.
Advice.
Dear men! Be honest and open about what kind of life and lifestyle the woman can count on. It doesn’t matter how rich you are. You must be truthful so that the woman can realistically picture her future with you in this international marriage.
Despite the emergence of a wide variety of communication tools and the existence of the Internet, problems such as loneliness and lack of social interactions still exist in our society. People are still preoccupied with the question of where to find their true love, and they often turn to the Internet to solve personal life problems. It’s important to know how to socialize online and avoid being misunderstood or rejected.It’s hard to imagine that anyone in our society doesn’t have at least one profile in any of the various social networks, and many of us have already experienced being bugged by the online admirers. We usually ignore or ban these kinds of suitors, and there might be many reasons for rejection: bad grammar, lack of respect, dirty talk, cheesy compliments, or just lack of interest in making new acquaintances. To get positive results when looking for a potential partner, we have to take all these things into consideration and act accordingly. For example, a simple “Hello! Do you mind if I talk to you?” has more chances to get any kind of reply than something like “Hey, beautiful! How are you, how’s life?” The key point is that we should save compliments for later.
