Monday, 21 April 2014

You can find the right person and it can result in a loving relationship.

You can find the right person and it can result in a loving relationship. But, do you wonder how? First, when it comes to dating, start by keeping an open mind and having a sense of humor. There are many people out there and you will not fall in love with every single person you meet. You might think that you are aiming for someone who is really good looking, but does that person have the traits that will make your heart flip and fall hopelessly in love? Sometimes it may happen, but at other times you may be totally turned off.

So, how can you know what’s in a person’s mind and heart and decide whether that person is right for you? You never want to judge a book by its cover. You might think that the nerdy guy next door is not good enough for you, but computer geeks are the ones who tend to make the most money, more than the average hot looking guy. You should get to know the person inside out before you decide to move on to the next candidate.

The main key is to find men and women who are compatible with you so you do not waste a great deal of time in a relationship that goes nowhere. You can either do this on your own or you can use a dating site to help limit your choices and find people who are serious in finding other people with whom they share interests and goals. It helps to sift through incompatible people before you become seriously involved with a person you are considering dating seriously.

Dating services can hook you up with single men and women you wouldn’t ordinarily meet. You should look for a dating site that will make you think about compatibility, not only based on looks, but more on what makes that person someone you will want to date. This will include what interests that person has and what values that are also shared with you, how the person was brought up and whether a steady job is part of the equation.

The dating sites often takes the guess work out of it. If you like bowling, for example, you can see who else likes bowling, too. It’s like shopping. Eligible candidates are offered to see who is the most compatible with you in terms of personality and interests. There are some men and women who may only have a few common interests with you, but they may still show up on your compatibility chart. When you are scrolling through different people, look for profiles that have a higher matching score or who have more similar interests with you. This will lead to a better chance of having a happier relationship that may ultimately lead to a wedding.

Humor comes into play as you might just fall in love with someone whom you least expected, such as the average looking man or woman. How about the bookworm at the library or the hefty guy who lives down the road? You would probably not have looked at them twice if you had not gotten to know them on a daily basis in the first.

However, they might be more compatible with you than the hot guys or girls you see on the beach. The guy or the chick at the beach might be fun to date but he or she might not be marriage material. It does not mean that they are not right for someone else or that they are bad people either. It just means that they may value freedom more than commitment at this point in their life. They could be just right for another freedom loving person who doesn’t want to be married just yet.

This means that before you decide to date someone who might change you inadvertently, you should remember who you are deep inside. Once you find the right person, whether it's a man or a woman, he or she has to respect you and not try to change you.

This is the key to maintaining a happy relationship, especially during the dating phase. If  either of you changes a lot to make the other person happy or to attract the other person or to make them fall in love with you, it will never lead to marriage or the wedding that you long for. If it does, it can lead to divorce eventually because either you or your spouse will become unhappy as this is not who you truly are. Be your authentic self.

There is one more reason compatibility comes in handy in relationships. This is because the compatibility and interests will lead to more meaningful conversations. In conclusion, in order to find the perfect match, to find a person you can love and marry, you have to have an open mind, a sense of humor and a willingness to explore your options.

You should look for someone who is the most compatible with you. You can do it on your own or through a dating site which helps you narrow the dating pool by having those interests listed on their profile. You should never try to change or to change someone else in order to be truly happy and become married. This will ultimately make both of you unhappy no matter what your sexual identity is; this is the truth. The last thing is communication; open, honest communication is very important in a relationship for a relationship to last and for both of you to be happy.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

The geologist from the sun.

I was wracked by a new flu strain. Isabel Vineberg, our district doctor, prohibited all friends' visits and prescribed a whole lot of medicines that made me drowsy. Endless TV shows and series didn't call my attention. My mother would visit me after work, and chatting with her somewhat lightened my miserable existence, but her presence wore me down as well. Saint Valentine's Day was approaching, and I was in a dismal mood. It had been six months since my break up with James.

One of those evenings I looked after my mom as she left, then somberly opened my notebook to check Facebook and Twitter. There was nothing interesting, so I decided to get into a chat room, hoping it would cheer me up. Although I usually avoided those killers of live communication, in the current situation it seemed like a good idea. At once I ran into a couple of offers to cut the dust. Stupid nicknames like SWEETIE89 and BE_MINE only strengthened my belief that chat rooms weren't the best places to meet new people. Putting the notebook to the side, I stared at the ceiling illuminated by the car lights. The thought of celebrating Valentines Day alone, without flowers and presents, without going to the movies, filled me with despair, and bitter tears blurred my eyes.

An encompassing wave of depression was interrupted by a sharp beep. I jerked nervously and stared at the monitor, which displayed the following message:

"Hello! I am a geologist from the Sun." Well, I thought, at least it's not corny. "I am looking for a missing component for an important solar discovery. Might it be you?" he typed.

I don't know what came over me when I agreed to exchange our phone numbers right away. It turned out that the "Sun geologist" had an earthly name, Alexander, and that he lived on the Sunny Street. From then on my sick days were filled wit joy and life didn't seem so dull anymore. His text messages were coming one after another, and I could no longer imagine my days without Alexander’s voice. The peak moment happened when my door bell rang, interrupting our phone conversation. I opened the door and saw a delivery man with a huge plush rabbit, a bunch of balloons tied to the rabbit’s soft feet.

"Is this for me?" I asked, amazed. "Of course it is for you. It’s the Sun rabbit. Get better", said Alexander's voice in my phone. "But how did you know my apartment number?" I wondered. "It wasn't that difficult," he laughed. "You told me your building number, and you are the only Margaret living there, not counting the eighty two year old Margaret Johnson on the first floor."

It’s great when you have a similar mindset with another person. It was as if Alexander was my personification in another body. Like me, he loved thunderstorms, evening walks on the beach, and feeling of the morning dew on his bare feet. He liked hot chocolate and pet rabbits, fast bike rides, and singing in the shower. He majored in architecture - something I was unable to accomplish at some point of my life, and, like me, he painted landscapes. My illness was diminishing, and doctor Vineberg promised to release me from my “house arrest” in a couple of days.

"Come to your senses!" my friend Bettie tried to disabuse me of my romantic euphoria. "What if he turns out to be a short, blotchy creep with a fat belly? You haven't even seen his photo!" I tried to calm Bettie by telling her that there was nothing wrong if two people with matching interests wanted to meet even if they’d met online. Besides, he hadn't seen my picture either.

Alexander called around 7 PM and proposed to meet the next day. We decided we would meet in the nearby park in front of the Central Alley. Alexander described himself as a tall, blonde, blue-eyed man who would be dressed in a black leather jacket and a pair of blue jeans. I decided not to say anything about myself because I wanted to see him first.

I was so nervous! I spent an entire hour straightening my hair, and another hour an a half was wasted on choosing what to wear. Then I did my special eye make up. A couple of perfume drops, and, at last, I was ready. Worrying about my hair, I called a taxi.

I got to the park on time and was shocked by the number of people waiting for their dates around the spot Alexander and I had picked. Several pairs of young people were kissing passionately. Laughing children scampered by, followed by their screaming parents. I chose one of the unoccupied park benches and looked around. Opposite of me sat a gum-chewing, slattern-looking guy, and next to him was an old man with a paper bag of sunflower seeds. The old man was feeding pigeons, and it seemed they weren’t afraid of him. I assumed that he used to feed these birds regularly because they gathered around him fearlessly, raising clouds of feathers and drops of the melting snow.

“Will you stop feeding these disgusting creatures already!” the untidy guy snapped. “What a lousy day. She is late, damn her, someone spilled their coffee all over my jacket… And now, these pigeons!”

“How strange,” I thought. “Alexander is also late, and he said he’d be wearing a black leather jacket as well.” My thoughts were interrupted by the rude guy who was now talking on the phone: “Yeah, I am in the park in front of your apartment building! Come on, I’ve been waiting forever!”

I thought of calling Alexander, but something stopped me. Another young man approached. He carried two paper bags in his hands, and it was obvious that they contained beer bottles. My rude bench neighbor went on to complain that the kiosk owners didn’t bother to open the beers. “Calm down, Alex,” his friend said. “I’ll open them with my keys.”

Alex?! My feelings sank. I never expected to see this “Alex” instead of my romantic Alexander. He called himself blue-eyed, but instead I saw the watery, lack-luster eyes of an alcoholic. The promised blonde wasn’t there either - his colorless, greasy hair barely covered the bold spot. And I dared to believe that I was so close to happiness! I imagined the triumph on Bettie’s face.

I slowly rose from the bench and headed to the nearby café. Disappointed, I was waiting for the scrawny waiter to bring me my hot coffee. The place was rather crowded, so it was going to take a while.

The door opened. A good-looking young man came in. He looked around, saw an empty chair next to my table, and quickly approached. “May I?” he asked, shaking snowflakes off the sleeve of his black leather jacket. “Sure”, I shrugged, smelling the nice, faint aroma of his expensive perfume. “Please forgive me,” he blurted out, “but I am in desperate need of your help. I was supposed to meet with one beautiful lady a while ago, but it seems we’ve missed one another. My phone is dead, I cannot call her. I am afraid she’ll think badly of me if I don’t find her at once. Would you let the unpunctual guff-ball borrow your phone?”

Doubting for a moment, I decided I had nothing to lose. “Sure,” I said. “I hope you’ll be able to save yourself in the eyes of your beautiful lady.” Thanking me, the stranger dialed. “It doesn’t go through,” he said a moment later, baffled. “Let me try,” I said. “Give me her number.” “Fourteen, seventy seven…” he started. “But this is my number!” I exclaimed, astonished, staring at the blonde man in blue jeans and a black leather jacket, and drowning in his deep-blue eyes.

© Elena Ohotnik.

Saturday, 15 March 2014

An experienced man advise.

Most people who are looking for a serious relationship on a dating site ask: how many months do you need to correspond on the Internet before you meet someone in person?

Of course, there is no simple answer to that. Some meet up after a month of correspondence or communication on Skype, others after two or three months. It all depends on the circumstances. Not everyone can at any given moment quit work and all his affairs for a few days and take off to another country. Especially if the man and the woman live in opposite corners of the world. But no matter how near or far apart they are, I do not advise delaying the meeting. Sometimes people make a big mistake of not hurrying to look each other in the eyes. They sit for hours in Skype, talking, laughing, watching each other, often falling in love with the person at the other side of the screen, and it seems that here it is, my other half, found at last. But this may be an illusion. Nothing can substitute a meeting in person.

I knew it from the start, so I developed a clear strategy when I decided to find a wife. Here I am sharing my experiences.

I tried to meet women from my city or the surrounding areas. I would go to meetings as I do to work. Given that the meetings took place after the day's work, it was very tiring. Saturdays and Sundays were free of meetings for me, I rested. Every evening I met five women. Half an hour for each. The first date at 18-30, the last at 20-30. I warned them from the start that I was very busy and could only spend 30 minutes at the appointment. Women never minded, quite on the contrary, they even replied that they too had no free time, especially since the next day we both had to go to work. Thirty minutes is quite enough to understand whether this is your type of person or not. We had the time to drink a cup of coffee, perhaps even two. There happened times when I would fancy the woman and I was willing to call her out on a second date to get to know her better, but she would tell me that I was not exactly her type. It also happened that the woman would want to move to the next stage, but I had to refuse. Sometimes our opinions coincided. Sometimes we felt mutual aversion after five minutes of dialogue, and the 30 minutes were not needed at all.

Four times I had to take a ride to another city, so impressed was I by talking to those women online that I decided to go. And twice I even flew to different countries. I combined, so to speak, the pleasant and the useful: I met the women and I took a look at the countries.

Thus, my search of the wife lasted five months. She was five hundred and twenty ninth. ))))

But a friend of mine was into correspondence with a woman for one year and two months, he thought she was his fate, but when they met, they did not work it out. With the second one he corresponded and talked on Skype for eight months, but also nothing came out of it. My friend got angry and decided not to waste time any more: he went to meet the third woman after three weeks of on line communication. And he married her!

It does happen! Meet, meet, and you are sure to find the person, predestined for you!

Yan Braun

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Is love a compromise?

Should people accept each other as is, or is it better to try rectifying one’s imperfect partner? Most people will answer this question sensibly – we should accept people as they are, and that’s the right way. Why then, knowing what’s right, do we do the opposite, thus destroying our families and killing our loves? Just think about it. How many divorces could be avoided if people were doing something more productive instead of trying to change one another? Those who understand this feel much happier.

Let’s look at one commonplace soccer situation. Most men love this sport and spend considerable amounts of time at the stadium or in front of the TV. Women hate that and keep nagging at their husbands. But what would happen if poor husbands objected our shopping or the time we spend with our girlfriends? Here is the compromise: while her husband watches soccer, the wife can chat with a girlfriend on the phone. It’s an open secret that many women love to sleep late in the morning. Let it happen only during the weekend since not everyone has an opportunity to get up late every day. Guys, really! The fair sex needs that beauty sleep. Women’s gorgeous looks, their attractiveness directly depend on the number of hours they spend in bed.

Do husbands let their wives sleep? No! They growl, call their loved ones “lazy”, and demand a hot breakfast. Why don’t we try to find a compromise in this situation as well? If you like a big breakfast, make an agreement with your wife and let her prepare something the day before. In the morning you can warm your breakfast in the microwave. And if you are satisfied with a simple pair of sandwiches, a plate of oatmeal, or a coffee, you can prepare all this yourself. It is not that complicated and it’s worth to see your lovely wife in a great mood when she wakes up. When these little nothings of life take place, try to find agreements with each other. Talk – don’t be sulky. Don’t declare a boycott because it will not solve the problem.

Look for compromises. Don’t destroy your love. “My dear, I won’t tell you a word tomorrow evening, and I will let you watch the entire ballgame (meet with friends, attend a sauna, play dominoes, lotto, backgammon), and you will let me sleep until noon (visit a cosmetologist, meet with my girlfriend, buy a new dress, go to the movies with the kid), all right?” Then you’ll see how much more peaceful and relaxed your family environment will become. Know how to communicate and look for compromises!

Monday, 23 December 2013

Women and work.

In this article I would like to talk about work and women who marry foreigners and move to another country. The work issue needs to be discussed as soon as possible – preferably, at the first stage of becoming acquainted with one another. If the potential partners have different ideas and plans about work, their relationship is very likely to fail. It doesn’t make any sense to avoid talking about work because this issue will surface sooner or later anyway.

Before you start looking for a Russian wife, it is important to understand that any woman will agree to change her life so radically and move to another country only if she knows that this marriage and relocation will change her life for the better, not worse. Every woman has a different idea about what is this “better”. Any kind of a relatively well to do, comfortable life will seem like a paradise to a woman who has a low paid job, survives from paycheck to paycheck, has debts, eats bad food, and wears the same blouse for five years. She’ll learn the language of her new country and will be able to get a low paid job similar to that which she used to have in Russia. However, a woman who has higher education, a well-paid, professional job, an apartment and a car, and who is used to get things that she wants will not agree to move to another country if she cannot live a similar (or better!) kind of life. No one would agree to change his or her life for worse.

I often come across foreign men who don’t want to meet with a woman without higher education even though they themselves do not have one. This always surprises me. They want a beautiful, smart, educated, self-sufficient woman, for example a doctor, a bank manager, a lawyer, or a government employee. At this point it is time to think carefully – what can you offer to the woman who is successful enough and doesn’t really need anything except a family?  We have to keep in mind that her level of comfort has to remain the same or to become even better. Here I can see several possible situations.

Situation 1.  A man doesn’t want (or cannot afford) his woman to be a housewife and a mother; he needs a woman who also works. However, a Russian woman won’t be able to find a job as good as the one she already has in Russia, and she is not willing to become a waitress or a dishwasher for obvious reasons.

Situation 2.A man doesn’t mind that his wife stays at home, but the woman doesn’t want to live her life like that. She wants to work, but she doesn’t realize how hard it will be to become employed in another country. Nobody tells her about the reality of getting a job in a foreign country. She naively thinks that she will learn the language very fast and then be able to get the same type of job as in Russia, working as a doctor, a teacher, or a bank employee. When the time comes, she realizes how mistaken she was and feels disappointed. You probably know how much time is needed to learn the language on a professional level and receive education in another country. With Russian education, even if you know the language perfectly, a good job will remain just a dream. All this leads to arguments and problems in the family.

Situation 3.A woman is willing to become a housewife, and you don’t mind that either. In this case you need to decide in advance how you will manage your family money. How much money will your wife have to buy things she wants? What exactly will she be able to afford and how often? You need to discuss this to avoid misunderstandings and arguments in the future. No woman would want to sit at home without working and having any pocket money because she is used to a different lifestyle.

Men who are already married to Russian women know that having a Russian wife is not economical. Even modest and simple Russian girls will have to go to Russia regularly to visit their parents and other relatives, or to invite them to the new country and pay for their trip there.

I have written about it in my other article, and I will repeat it again: a woman has to know exactly what she can expect in her marriage. She needs to know that for your own benefit. There is no need to promise great fortunes and riches if you are unable to provide them. You have to be honest and tell her the facts so she can make her decision. If you lie, she will be disappointed later on and your marriage will end.

What else do I see quite often? Men come to me for the individual wife search. In order to do my job well, I need to know what type of woman the man is seeking. Some men cannot give me any meaningful response when I ask them what kind of life awaits their future wives and how they imagine their lives with Russian women. Do they want women to work or to sit at home, taking care of the household?  Do they realize that a well-educated woman will not be willing to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant? Amazingly, men cannot answer these questions.  I get an impression that they are looking not only for a beautiful doll, but also for a free maid. It is no secret that Russian women are the best wives in the world. Well, this won’t work. Russian women also know their value, and in exchange for what they give you they need to receive something back. A one-sided relationship will not work. Russian women, like all other women in the world, have their own needs, dreams, and wishes that they want to come true. Like any human being, a Russian woman wants to better her life – not the other way around.

Yes, there are many trickster girls who are into scams, but there are also good women who are being tricked by bad guys.

Dear men! If you cannot answer the above simple questions honestly, please, do not discombobulate women. Then you better look for a wife in your own country, or at least a girl who speaks your language fluently.

Think about what I wrote, and maybe you’ll change your mind about looking for a Russian wife. I doubt that they will speak honestly with you in another agency; very often, the truth is being hidden because it is more profitable that way. Agencies look for clients who come to their websites and pay money for it. Nobody cares what happens after that to them and to their dates.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Why do I prefer the individual search?

I am asking the other agencies to forgive me in advance; they’ll probably want to kill me after reading this article )) To tell you the truth, I had doubts about letting my readers know about the shady side of dating agencies, but after giving it some thought I decided that sharing this information will be useful.

Most girls whose profiles you find on the best dating websites are dating agencies’ clients. Websites profit from this – the more women post on them, the more men register, so the website owners get more money from its users. Some sites tell you a member of what dating agency the woman is, but others don’t mention this at all. Very often website owners have no idea if women are dating agency clients or not because these agencies create dating profiles for their clients. And women themselves often hide the fact that they are members of some dating agency.

What’s so bad about a woman being in the agency? Nothing. It’s even better if a woman uses services of a good dating agency that takes responsibility for its clients, knows them personally, and checks their identity, etc., which enables the agency to guarantee that its clients aren’t scammers. Of course, this is a good thing.

However, there is one disadvantage that men are unaware of. Very few women can write insightful letters that interest a man so much that he would want to meet personally and come all the way to Russia or Ukraine. After all, a personal meeting, and, hopefully, marriage is the ultimate goal. A girl who doesn’t speak English very well simply cannot produce a letter that would attract attention of a potential husband. For the same reason many girls cannot use phone or Skype. That’s why agencies write letters for their clients.))

Someone might argue, “What’s so bad about that? It’s fine as long as the letter contains no lies.” Well, personally I wouldn’t want to go to another country to meet a person who I know only through letters written by somebody else. He or she might be a completely different person who most likely won’t interest me. It is for this reason that most meetings don’t have any continuation. But men don’t know this, and there’s no way to check if the letters they receive are written by their potential dates or by somebody else. They write to women, come to their home countries, go on dates with several of them, but never find the one who they’d like to marry.

Count how much money you spend on all these trips that lead to nothing. Isn’t it better to pay for the individual search and meet several women during the same visit – women who are found specifically for you, taking in consideration your criteria? It is your choice!

Friday, 8 November 2013

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?

Is it easy to find a Russian wife?
Is it easy to find a Russian wife?
Perhaps most men who were lucky in their search for a loved one or who are just thinking of finding a Russian wife would answer, “Of course it is easy, what’s so difficult about it? There are hundreds of thousands of Russian women on various dating sites – just choose the one you like!”

But it only seems easy. We must realize that the percentage of truly good, family oriented girls isn’t that high. Some men I meet at work believe that about 90% of women are scammers. I think that even if they are exaggerating  the number a bit, they are not too far from truth. Men often complain that women post photos that were taken 10 years ago, and when they finally meet, women look 10years older and 20 pounds heavier. Who is to blame here? You should have met your potential date in Skype first, or maybe asked her to send you a recent picture with the date on it.

It is much worse when a woman looks even better that on her photo, and it seems that your mutual happiness is just a step away, but in reality this beautiful woman is already married and meeting you is just her side job. There are many possible scenarios. For example, she can play sick and ask you for the money to buy expensive medicine to help her get better faster so that she can be with you. After you give her the money, you’ll probably never see her again. Or, this woman can go on regular dates with you, and at some point she will tell you a sad story of her sick mother or grandmother who needs a sitter that the family cannot afford. You’ll probably offer her financial help after that. After all, you haven’t come all the way to Russia to spend your time alone in your hotel room. It is not going to be fun to stay here without your date. Most people speak only Russian, so even going to a restroom will be a problem because no one will understand you ))

In another scenario, a girl can ask you to pay for her foreign language courses. She needs them because she met you and fell in love with you at the first sight. However, when you are already back to your country, she will write you a letter saying that she thought things over and decided that you aren’t really her type, or maybe she changed her mind and doesn’t want to marry a foreign man after all.

“What should I do then?” you’ll probably ask. Don’t be shy. Ask her for her phone number. Meet in Skype using an online translator if she doesn’t speak English. Ask her to send you a scanned page of her passport where marriage information is located. Give her a link to this article )) However, these are simple preventive measures, and of course they don’t guarantee anything. You cannot read your date’s thoughts.

What else can be done? Well, a really good dating agency would do. In men’s opinion, 90% of all dating agencies are scammers working together with the women. Pay attention to details, use your intuition, learn from others’ mistakes, and read forum posts written by real users. Do not read reviews – we all know who writes them. Take your search for a wife seriously and minimize the risk of getting into an unpleasant situation.

It is best to use “Individual search” option if an agency offers it. But first learn what exactly you’ll get for the money you pay. Some agencies ask 10000 dollars for the individual search, and all you get are detailed questionnaires of women with several pages of their biography, which won’t tell you who they really are anyway.

In my next article read about the reason why I think the individual search is the best solution.